I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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