Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
