Duck Duck Cougar?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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