when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
