we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so let's talk penis.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
