Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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