I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
