After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
