How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
