just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
