My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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