they need to just BURY HIM!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
