If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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