3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
