my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
