It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
