you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
