I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
3 2 1 whiskey
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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