This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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