It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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