Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
