I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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