i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize