like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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