I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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