It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
