You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
