so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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