Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
