A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
