My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
