So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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