it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
