So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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