wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
