You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What a dumb baby whore.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
