ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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