I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
