mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're like the curious george of whores
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
