I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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