There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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