I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
a search helicopter?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
