Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
