The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its about making memories worth repressing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
