My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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