did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
