you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
