Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
