so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
