i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
