you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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