If that was your dad, he is hot
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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