I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
