I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
