Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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