yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
