its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
