My cat gives me a boner
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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